Helping Kids Understand Feelings

Showing your kids how to name, understand and manage emotions.

Happy family of parents, three children, and a grandfather

When you help your children understand feelings, they feel safe and valued and develop the confidence to solve their own problems. You may even spend less time managing misbehavior. Children who learn how to express and manage their emotions often do better in school and have stronger friendships. These “social and emotional competence skills” also shape how they treat others and deal with challenges as adults.

Helping Kids Understand Feelings can look like…

One child sharing a toy truck with another child

Teaching kids to share

Encouraging kids to solve problems

Listening when kids express their emotions

Teaching kids to share

Encouraging kids to solve problems

Listening when kids express their emotions

Hear From Parents

Listen as parents and grandparents share how the 5 Strengths are important for their families and why they want other families to understand them too.

Ask Yourself…

There are no right answers. Thinking about these questions can help you understand your family’s strengths.

When kids get mad, frustrated or start yelling, is it hard not to respond in the same way?

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It can be hard to stay calm when your child is having a meltdown. But kids rely on parents’ self-control when dealing with their own strong feelings. When you stay calm, it can calm them. Children also learn by watching and copying your behavior. When you soothe them, they learn to expect and give comfort. When you show others kindness, kids learn to do the same. And when you become impatient or yell, children mirror that, too. Managing your emotions and letting your actions speak for you is one of the best ways to guide your child’s behavior.

Do you know a variety of strategies for helping your child understand and manage their emotions?

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Very young children, even babies, learn how to recognize feelings. When they’re upset and you soothe them, they learn to expect and give comfort. Providing children with a comforting routine at bedtime, giving them a toy to cuddle when they need to calm down, or pointing out the emotions of a child’s favorite book characters are all ways to help little ones understand and cope with feelings. As kids grow, they can become more skilled at identifying and communicating emotions and managing feelings. Teaching them calming strategies like slow breathing and positive self-talk can help.

Do you provide your child with opportunities to build social skills?

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Children learn many important things about feelings and behavior from their parents every day. But having the time and opportunity to learn social skills from other children is equally important. Kids learn through play, so spending free time with other children in their age range helps teach them how to get along with others. In adolescence, time spent socializing can help teens learn the subtle skills they will need to successfully interact in the adult world.

Tips to Try

There are many ways of helping kids understand feelings. Download the Helping Kids Understand Feelings PDF and try these tips:

5 Steps to Managing Big Feelings:

Remind your child it is never ok to hurt others.
Take 3 breaths or count to 10 sloooowly.
Ask your child to use words to say how they feel and what they wish would happen.
Prompt your child to ask for help to solve the problem.
Encourage your child to take time to calm down.

What to Talk About with Babies and Toddlers:

Talk about what you’re doing and thinking.
Comment on what they are doing or looking at.
Name things they are interested in.
Repeat and add to what they say and do.
Make animal sounds.
Be silly
Find out more at LENA Talk

Take Action

Once you understand the Five Strengths and why they are important, you will want to take action and explore how you can build them in your own family. Check out the ideas and exercises below, or download the Helping Kids Understand Feelings PDF to find more about what to look for, where to learn more and what to do to help your child understand feelings.

Create a Calming Corner

Do your children struggle with strong feelings and have a hard time calming down some days? Try creating a calming corner together. This is a special place where a child can go to relax. It is not place for punishment, but a place to decompress.

Quiet: Find a small, cozy area of your house that is away from traffic.

Comfy: Put in some inviting seating low to the ground – big pillows, a cushioned chair or a soft rug.

Touchable: Add some things that are appropriate for an angry or frustrated child to slam, squeeze, blow, pull or jump on, like playdoh, pillows, bubbles or stress balls.

Snug: Find objects to crawl under or into, like a small tent, a large box, or a weighted blanket.

Relaxing: Include items that your child finds soothing like music, cloth with different textures, or books to read.

Ready: Make sure to test it out before your child is upset.

Willing: Encourage your child to learn to choose for themselves when they feel they need the calming corner.

Social Skills for Children

In order to be good family members, friends and schoolmates, children have to learn important social skills. It is important for parents to remember:

Learning social skills takes lots of time and practice.
Some skills come easier than others, depending on the child.
Give children frequent, safe opportunities to practice.
Remain patient, but firm.

Here are some essential social skills young children are working on:

Taking turns
Listening without interrupting
Waiting in line
Introducing themselves
Respecting others personal space
Using appropriate tone and volume of voice
Managing their feelings in public
Learning please, thank you, no thank you, excuse me, and I’m sorry
Showing kindness

More Activities

Apps There are many downloadable apps designed to teach young children how to manage feelings while having fun.
• Mindful Powers
• Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame Street
• Zones of Regulation*
• Smiling Mind
• Avokiddo Emotions*
• Headspace for Kids
• Daniel Tiger’s Grr-ific Feelings*
• Calm
• Stop, Breath and Think Kids
• GoNoodle
*Apps that have a cost to download

Books & Stories Reading or telling stories is a wonderful way to explore feelings with children of all ages, especially when accompanied by cuddling or closeness. Many online booklists can help you get started.
• For babies and toddlers
• Books about feelings
• Preschool playtime and relationship skills
• Must-have picture books

Tip Sheets Find fun activities you can do with your child to help them learn about things like feelings, cooperation and how to gain independence.

Temperament Quiz Learn more about your young child’s temperament and what you can do to help and support them: babies (birth to 18 months) or toddlers (18 to 36 months).

Printable Flash Cards A variety of child friendly breathing techniques can be found at Childhood101 and Conscious Discipline and an alphabet of calming strategies can be found on Calm Down Flashcards.

The Ultimate List of Free Yoga Poses for Kids. Physical movement relaxes children and helps them to manage emotions. Find printable cards and posters with kid-friendly pictures of yoga poses.

Games help children with self-control and problem solving. Almost any games – board games, card games or playground games – teach children how to follow rules, take turns, wait patiently and deal with losing. Here are some games designed to teach children specific types of skills:
• Turtle Time and Other Games
• Common Games that Teach Children Self-Control and Patience
• Feelings Identification Activities
• Calming and relaxation games and exercise

Breathing Games to Calm Your Child

Deep slow breathing is nature’s way of relaxing the body. You can teach your child to use breathing as a tool to help them calm down when they need it. Practice these breathing games with your child while they are relaxed so they are able to use them when they are not.

Star breathing – Stretch your child’s hand out like a star. With the pointer finger of the other hand, slowly trace each finger up and down. As they slowly slide their pointer up the finger of their other hand, have your child breath in. As they slowly slide their pointer back down the finger, have them breathe out. Continue to trace each finger on their hand until they are calm.

Bubble breathing – Tell your child to imagine that they have a bubble wand in their hand. Have them slowly take a breath in through their nose and then slowly let the breath out as if they are blowing a bubble. You can have them practice with real bubble first, to get the idea.

Dragon breathing – Have your child sit straight up, then breathe in through their nose counting 1,2,3. Hold that breath counting 1,2. Then breath out pretend fire as hard and long as they can, whispering a dragon roar.

Bunny Breathing – Ask your child to hold up their “paws” like a bunny. Then take three quick bunny breaths and blow out one long breath. Follow with a hop and repeat.

Explore Feelings With Books

Books and stories can teach children a lot about feelings, whether it’s a picture book or a story you make up on your own. Plus, cuddling with your kids during story time also helps children feel connected and valued.

Label feelings: Help children identify the expressions of
characters, such as smiles, a scrunched face or tears and
connect them to the names of emotions—happiness, anger,
sadness.

Practice responding to other’s feelings: “What would you
say if your friend lost his toy?”

Take another’s perspective: Help your child put themselves
in the place of the character. “How does the girl feel when
her mom comes home?”

Talk about character traits with older kids: Discuss ways
that the characters show kindness, foolishness or persistence.

More Information

The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting Brene Brown, the author of this book and many others, has spent over 20
years studying emotions. She is also a very dynamic speaker with many videos available on You Tube. A free
recording of Brene Brown reading this book is available if you have Spotify or check your public library.

Raising Caring Kids This website features short, downloadable online articles and videos, which contain
information to help parents support the social and emotional growth of their elementary age children.

Search online for terms* like …
• Social and emotional competence
• Emotional regulation
• Self-regulation (self-control)
• Relaxation techniques
• Mindfulness
• Meditation
*Add the word children or kid to the term, unless you are searching for yourself.

Talk to a …
• Parent educator at a Family Resource Center
• Doctor or nurse
• School guidance counselor or school psychologist
• Early childhood or childcare provider
• Teacher

For more intense needs ask your physician about a …
• Counselor
• Behavioral Health Specialist
• Neuropsychologist

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